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Ian was very ill with epilepsy when we were recording the Closer album. He was having a lot of blackouts. There was one horrible occasion where he was missing for two hours in the studio. I went in the toilet and there he was spark out on the floor – he’d had a fit and split his head open on the sink. There were a lot of occasions like that. While Closer was done pretty quickly after Unknown Pleasures, some of the songs were only finished in the studio. We were only in for two weeks including mixing. So you could feel the pressure. We didn’t help by taking the piss all the time.

Albumą įrašinėjome kovą. Jis pirmą kartą pabandė žudytis balandį, tad visai netolimu laiku. Ian’as sėkmingai bendradarbiavo su mūsų prodiuseriu Martinu Hannettu, kuris reikalavo, kad dirbtume per naktį – Ian’ui patiko tyla ir ramybė. Bet buvo sudėtinga. Neturėjome daug pinigų; maitinomės netinkamai, o gėrimų pirkti neišgalėjome. West Hampsteade tris vakarus grojome Moonlight klube apšildydami STRANGLERS AT THE RAINBOW – keturi koncertai per tris vakarus. Ian’o liga progresavo, o mes jam nepadėjome, nes, iš tikro, ignoravome. Bet, taipogi, Ian’;as buvo pats sau didžiausias priešas – jis niekada nenorėdavo nuliūdinti tavęs, tad sakydavo tai, ką tikėdavaisi išgirsti. Todėl mes niekada ir nežinojome, kaip jis kenčia ir ką mąsto.

Jam du kartus nepavyko nusižudyti. Pirmąkart, kai jis buvo labai girtas, jis susižalojo – susipjaustė su virtuviniu peiliu, manau, iš visiško beviltiškumo įtakotas Iggy Popo. Kitąkart – perdozavo. Tony Wilsonas, mūsų leiblo, Factory Records, bosas atvežė jį į repeticiją – kaip suprantu, tiesiai iš ligoninės. Mes klausėme: “Drauguži, ar viskas tvarkoje?“, o jis atsakė: “Taip, viskas gerai, tęskime“. Būdamas suaugusiu, o ir tėvu, dabar aš jaučiu didesnę kaltę nei tada. Jei tai būtų buvęs mano sūnus, būčiau nuėjęs pas mūsų vadybininką Robą Grettoną, vožęs jam į galvą, ir nuvežęs Ian’ą namo. Keisčiausia, kad gydytojai, konsultantai, psichiatrai nieko tokio nepastebėjo. Neįtikėtina.

Robas užsakė pasirodymą Bury’je. Ian’as nusprendė, kad negalės dalyvauti, bet dėl kažkokios nesveikos priežasties jį pristatė į koncertą, nors mes jau buvom sutarę su Simonu Toppingu ir Alanu Hempsallu, kad užimtų jo vietą. Ian’as reikalavo atlikti porą dainų, o kai jis nebepajėgė daugiau, auditorija ėmė maištauti. Tai jį tiesiog palaužė.

Then our last gig in Birmingham was a grim affair. Ian’s illness was dragging the whole thing down, but we’d spent three years going from playing to no people in Oldham to being revered. It was what he’d fought for all his life. None of us wanted to let it go. We all felt that if we stopped we might never get it again.

Sužinojau kas nutiko, kai man paskambino pilicininkas. Buvo siaubinga. Nesuvokiamas šokas, prisiminimas, su kuriuo ir dabar labai sunku gyventi. Atsimenu taip gerai, lyg tai būtų nutikę vakar.

After something like that, you don’t know what to do. The only thing constant in our lives was practice. When we left Ian’s funeral we said: “See you at practice.“ That Sunday afternoon I got the six-string riff to Dreams Never End, which we recorded as New Order. We just put Joy Division in a box and closed the lid, but it enabled the remaining three of us to establish ourselves as New Order. Through New Order people continued to become aware of Joy Division.

I know Joy Division will always be overshadowed by Ian’s death. I remember driving to the tax office to tax my old £100 Jag when the chart rundown went: “In at No 11, Joy Division with Love Will Tear Us Apart.“ I turned it off. For us, Joy Division had gone.

I think, as with Kurt Cobain much later, it was the death of innocence. Ian’s daughter didn’t have a father. Did independent music gain an icon? I’m too close to it. I had to view the death of Joy Division as a new start. All the battles we went through in Joy Division, we had to go through once again.

Listening to Closer again, it’s heart-rending. Ian created a wonderful testimony of how he felt at the time: apprehensive, fearful but powerful. Not in control of your destiny: you can hear how that break evolved.

Text written by Patricia Ellis (Saatchi Gallery)

http://www.saatchi-gallery.co.uk

Hermann Nitsch was born in Vienna in 1938. While studying graphic illustration, he became interested in religous art. He made copies from Rembrandt’s 100 Gulden Blatt and Christ Crucified, and from other religious themes by artists such as Tintoretto and El Greco. Other drawings Hermann Nitsch made at this time were strongly influenced by Cézanne, Klimt and Munch, amongst others. From around 1957 onwards, the depiction of Dionysian revelry and ceremonies began to feature in his work. Read More